Ryan's Shows

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For the most part Ryan and I watch the same TV shows, but there are a few shows that are just mine or just his. For example, I watch Say Yes to the Dress, 90210 and Cake Boss. Ryan watches Barrett Jackson car auctions (that go on for eons), Sports Center, Around the Horn and PTI. We often groan when the other's show starts up. (These groans are seriously lessened thanks to DVR.) Then, one watches TV and the other usually gets on a computer or finds something else to do... sort of.

I fight it, but I actually like some of Ryan's shows. I find myself wondering how much that car is really worth and laughing along with Tony and Wilbon. I really like PTI - it's hilarious. My favorite of Ryan's shows is definitely Top Gear. He downloads the episodes on the day it airs in Britain and watches them on his computer. I can't help but lean over his shoulder to watch too. Yesterday's episode was hilarious - a must see. SPOILER ALERT: Rupert Grint was on, and Jeremy Clarkson actually used the phrase "nursing a semi." Gotta love British TV.

I like Ryan's shows, but I act like I'm doing him a favor when he watches them. I don't do it completely on purpose, but I must be doing it to gain some points toward watching some of my shows. I realize I've revealed myself to Ryan in this blog, but maybe it's about time that I own up to actually liking his shows.

This is not a one way street though. When I watch some sort of wedding/model/Heidi Klum/cake decorating show, Ryan sighs, comments on my show's ridiculousness and retreats to his desk to go on the computer, which faces away from the TV. I start to watch my show, and before I know it I hear comments like, 'Why do the ugliest girls become models?' or 'How could someone wear such a slutty dress at their wedding!?!'

He may not like my shows as much as I like his, but he is at least mildly entertained by them. I think I have more "my shows" than Ryan does, but this is all evened out by one thing...football! Even when it is not football season, I am forfeiting the TV to football! Today Ryan is expecting to receive NCAA Football 11. When Ryan and I first started dating in 2005, he warned me that I should make plans by myself for about two weeks in the summer when that years game came out. I am currently thinking about where I should go when the UPS man gets here.

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As I'm writing this I am reminding myself of my nephews, who are 3.5 years apart - they used to beg for "my show, my show" when one wanted Pokemon and the other wanted Bob the Builder, little boy v. baby show for those of you not in tune with children's television. (Now I think they both want Pokemon.) Much like Ryan and me, when Kal won and the TV was flipped to Thomas or Mickey or Oswald, after the groaning was over, Aden would happily watch the "baby" show, or at least sneak peaks.

Oh no, the UPS man just called and is almost  here. That's right, Ryan made friends with him, so he calls Ryan when he is about 5 minutes away because our buzzers don't work. His name is Vince.

Boys will be boys

For privacy purposes, these are my nephews Miis.

My nephews came to Philadelphia to visit last week.  Aden is 7 (and 3/4) and Kalan is 4 (and 1/4). I quickly came to realize that little boys and little girls can be very different from each other. For 4 straight days I heard fart jokes, butt jokes and poop jokes NONSTOP. And, they explained a game - no more like a tradition - that apparently all little boys take part in, the Safety Game. The rules are very easy - when you fart, you say 'safety' before someone else calls 'doorknob.' (My nephews use 'pancake' instead of 'doorknob.') This is as far as the boys take the game, probably because they are not supposed to hit. But, I did a little research and found out on Urban Dictionary that if someone says 'doorknob' before the farter says 'safety,' everyone can punch the farter until he touches a doorknob. 

(They also play a variation of this game - when you burp you say the color of your shirt. I don't know what happens after that.)

My initial reaction to this was GROSS! I do not like to talk about poop or farts, and really think all that ought to stay in the restroom. Upon figuring out why they were saying safety so often, I immediately encouraged the boys to say 'excuse me' before they say 'safety.' (I mean, I didn't want to ruin the fun.) Of course they just ignored me, but I went on wondering why they played this gross game. Then, my brother-in-law Mike heard them playing it (so gross because that means they were farting - I think they try to fart just to play the game), and he said he used to play this game when he was a kid. When Ryan heard about it, he said that he also used to play this game. They told me this is a game that all little boys play.

Eww! I realized then that little boys and little girls are so so different. I have never even heard of this game. I'm pretty sure that boys have probably never had 'personal friend days' either. For those of you that don't know, it is an evil thing that some little girls do where one girl says that another girl is only her friend for the day and can't play with the other little girls. I never took part in this, but I am pretty sure this was used against me when I was in 1st or 2nd grade. (This one girl was jealous my of friendship with another girl, so then she made that girl stop playing with me and called it a game.) I'm pretty sure boys don't get Miss Mary Mack and similar hand clapping games.

Boys and girls are just so different sometimes. We experience and learn different things. The other day I was singing 'I Am Woman,' and I was flabbergasted when Ryan said he had never heard the song before. Flabbergasted!!! It feels a little wrong to be generalizing differences between boys and girls and then talk about the song which was the theme for International Women's Year. But, I don't really feel bad about it because I believe in women being equal, empowered and on a level playing field. I also believe in embracing out differences, and I'm not blind to see that overall, there are some differences in how boys and girls act, even if it is society's fault. Well, I guess I feel a little bad because I am perpetuating these generalization about boys and girls. I can live with feeling a little bad.

Road Trip! ...so snap in to a slim jim

So obviously I lied - I did not blog last week, but I'm back now.  Anyway, I have a variety blog topics on deck, so expect regular blogging at least for a while.  I have noticed though that many of my last posts (and today's) are about food.  When I started to write this blog, I meant to write about trying new things, which includes food, but I never meant it to be all about food.  But, as I find myself trying to shift careers, I also find myself with a lack of funds to buy new things to try.  I have to eat though, so trying new recipes and new brands is something I can still do and write about.  So sorry if you hate food - eventually I will be in a better financial place so I can spend my money willy nilly on all sorts of gadgets. 

So not too long ago I went with two of my sisters and Ryan on a ride from Philadelphia to East Hampton to hang out for a weekend.  Although it's only about 200 miles, it can take a long time and sometimes feels like a real road trip full with rest stops. We stopped at some random gas station (actually, we pulled into one, decided it didn't have a big enough food mart building and then went to another). For some reason, when you are riding in a car for a long time, you allow yourself to eat things you wouldn't usually eat.  Why do we do this? Because driving/traveling can be so stressful? Perhaps the amazing assortment of junk food available and the many signs advertising them are to much to resist? Maybe we just think it doesn't count when you are cruising at 70mph. I don't know why, but regular eating rules are off when you're in the car for a long trip.

When is the last time that you ate combos, slim jims, corn nuts, pork rinds, bugles, big league chew or a slurpee in your regular life (not including when you are drunk)? Gas stations stock all sorts of snacks that you don't usually see at the grocery store or deli, so not only are you ready to eat whatever you want, you see all sorts of exciting snacks, including NEW snacks! And, don't forget about plethora of fast food.

My sisters and I are at times, what you could call food enablers.  Trying to decide between combos or bugles - 'let's get both.' I used to ride with one of my sisters from Philadelphia to East Hampton pretty often, and we ALWAYS stopped at this one Burger King really early in the morning. This is totally weird because I would never go to Burger King (or basically any fast food place) except on those trips. We would get those tater tot like things, eat them quickly, feel ill and then miss the entrance to the NJ Turnpike. Those tater tots that I think they call hash browns are maybe the greasiest thing in the world. So bad, you only eat them on road trips.

This is what my sisters, Ryan and I bought on our recent trip to East Hampton and back: Hot Buffalo Bugles, Big League Chew (grape and watermelon), peanuts, almonds, Jalepeno Cheddar Combos, Werthers, and I think there might have been more, but I can't remember. Now, we didn't eat all of it (I never got any of the watermelon Big League Chew that I picked).  Oh yeah, I ate chicken nuggets and french fries for lunch on our way back. Nothing was especially good btw in case you were looking for some suggestions on car snacks.

Here are my favorite road trip eats: Popeyes spicy chicken strips, Chile Picante Corn Nuts, Nantucket Nector Half and Half (unless there is green box iced tea to be had - aka bonic tonic or hampton dairy iced tea), Gummy Lifesavers and Starbursts. Thankfully for my health's sake, I don't go on many road trips and don't often eat like that when I am, but that is probably because Ryan is a rest stop minimalist. I should note though, that there is one rule that won't even be broken for a road trip.  It's not a rule for me because they do not tempt me, but it is one of the two rules I have for Ryan (not that I really like to impose rules on others, and it's not like anything would happen if he broke this rule) - NO HOSTESS FRUIT PIES!!! They are so bad for you. One of those little things has about 500 calories, about 70g of carbs, over 20g of fat (some of which is from lard) and a zillion preservations. I'm no health nut, but these things have no redeeming qualities. So, NO hostess fruit pies, well at least while I'm in the car.

I will be back

Things have been crazy lately, but I promise to be back to blogging this week.

10 Food Network Things that Rub Me the Wrong Way

In no particular order:

1. Guy Fieri and his female clone Anne Burrell.  As if one ridiculous, white blonde, spiky, gel-filled, Sonic the Hedgehog hair style wasn't enough for us all.

2. Alton Brown's horrible jokes. He was once the host of a dorky, science-filled show where he would tell you the best ways to make certain dishes and most importantly WHY. It was perfect for a chemistry major like me, who likes to tweak and create recipes (where it really helps to know the science behind a dish). NOW, as a host of Iron Chef America, he constantly tells completely unfunny jokes that are forced, plentiful and beyond corny. On top of it, Good Eats has become unbearable - completely over-the-top.

3. The Food Network's uncanny ability to find the least likeable people to host and judge their shows. See my last post for a little elaboration, to name a few: Sunny Anderson, Alexandra Guarnaschelli, Aaron Sanchez, Guy Fieri, Chris Cosentino, Melissa d'Arabian, Aida Mollenkamp, Anne Burrell, Cat Cora, Mario Batali, Clair Robinson, Ted Allen

4. The complete waste, which is Food Detectives with Ted Allen. I have only seen a few episodes (or really snippets of episodes because I couldn't bear to watch whole episodes.), but it is such a waste of time. Some of the myths they are busting are so stupid and not issues anyone really cares about. Is the 5 second rule true? Of course it's not - your food fell on the floor, so if your floor is dirty, so is the food that fell on it. Do you really need a food scientist to conduct a study and goofy Ted Allen to tell you the results? Here's another one - does celery really have negative calories? Of course not!!!

5. The firing and rehiring of Robert Irvine from Dinner Impossible

6. They way Kevin Brauch pronounces konbanwa ("good evening" in Japanese). He says Kon (pause) BEN (pause) Wa. Now I don't speak Japanese, but I know this is wrong. Ryan lived in Tokyo for years and certainly knows how to say things like good evening, so he is my source. Look at how it is spelled. There is no E. You would think that this guy could learn how to say the one Japanese word he has to say.

7. The completely useless addition of Clair Robinson as the host of Challenge

8. Chefs v. City. Aaron Sanchez and Chris Cosentino are just unbearable. They are so cocky, and I'm not sure what they have to be cocky about. The whole time they talk about how great they are. The set up is like an awful, boring version of Amazing Race. Dumb hosts. Dumb concept. It doesn't even really have that much to do with food.

9. The English dubbing of Morimoto on Iron Chef America even though he is speaking English. It's easy to understand what he is saying. He is speaking English!!! WHY!?!?! I love Morimoto. His restaurant in Philadelphia is my favorite restaurant. I have an autographed copy of his book. I want to hear what he has to say in his own voice. If they really think people can't understand his accent, wouldn't subtitles (captions really because it's English to English) be more appropriate?

10. The Crazy-Eyed women of Food Network. I learned all about crazy-eyed girls on How I Met Your Mother, and if I've learned anything from Swarley, it's to steer clear of this women. If I had more time and patience, I could find more pictures and better pictures, but if you watch these women, you know what I'm talking about. Sometimes they look possessed. They may look normal sometimes, but if you get a glimpse of the crazy eye, you should run.

Unlikeable Judges

As promised, here is a mini-rant about my dislike of many Food Network stars. The other day when I was making banana bread, I flipped on Food Network. Chopped was on. Now this is a perfectly good concept for a show, BUT the judges and host are horrible. (I'll elaborate in a minute.) Other shows on this channel share this same problem - good concept, annoying "talent." Now I still watch Food Network, and I even like some shows. I even watch some shows in which I don't like the "talent" because I have this awful addiction to cooking related entertainment that many seem to have these days (I LOVE Top Chef and America's Test Kitchen the most, closely followed by all shows about decorating cakes), and Food Network is the perfect in the background tv when you are cooking or baking.  But sometimes, the hosts or judges are so horrible, it makes me want to pull my hair out.

Chopped is the biggest let down for me. I heard the concept before I saw the show - 4 chefs compete in 3 rounds, appetizer, entree and dessert round. They get a basket with mystery ingredients that don't seem to fit together for each course and have to use all of them in the respective course. The 3 judge panel then decide which dish is the worst each round, and that chef is "chopped" and cannot compete in the next round. After the dessert round, when one dessert is "chopped," one chef remains and he or she wins $10,000 or so. Now I think this concept is great. It is like a longer version of a quickfire challenge from Top Chef. Unfortunately, the judges are the most unlikable people they could have found.

Let's start with the host though, Ted Allen. He used to be beloved by Queer Eye fans (not me) and a fine judge on Top Chef. Then he came to the Food Network for his likeability to die. He must think he is funny, but he really isn't, and that's just the worst. He is always telling awful jokes that lead to sort of awkward moments void of laughter. I don't care for him when he is a judge on Iron Chef America either. He is not the worst on Chopped though.

On to the judges. I don't watch this show often, so I haven't seen all the judges. These are the only 4 judges I've seen or at least remember. Every judge I've seen though, has been soooo annoying. They just all lack charisma and come off douchey, which is hard to explain in words, but here's my rundown.

• Alexandra Guarnashelli - What a witch! She is so condescending to the contestants. She also has a permanent look on her face like she is driving by a dump. The only thing she accomplishes on this show is making the audience hate her. Also, I remember seeing her as a competitor on some sort of cooking contest where she failed to make mashed potatoes or something. Ugh, looking at her just offends me.
• Aaron Sanchez - This guy is totally horrible. He thinks he is suave, but he is ugly and acts like a butthead (that is actually the best word to describe him). The worst part about him is that he is always promoting himself in one way or another. He is often on The Best Thing I Evere Ate, a show where Food Network chefs disclose their favorite places to eat. One time he said something from his own restaurant. Another show he said something from his mother's restaurant. What a loser.
• Scott Conant - He is not that bad, but comes off as most people's definition of douchebag.
• Amanda Freitag - I have nothing bad to say about her as a person. But she has a permanent scowl on her face. The crazy thing is that she is not ugly, but she is actively always scowling. The picture I found isn't a good representation of her face on Chopped, but you can imagine.

This is tv. There are a million people in the food business that I would accept as a person with enough experience and skill to judge food. Why oh why did Food Network choose ugly, mean people that are not likeable? You don't have to be beautiful, nice and likeable, BUT you should be at least one of those things. All of these judges also come off as overly pretentious. Do you think you are so important and special because you are on Food Network??? Maybe you are, but nobody likes a person show acts like they are better than everyone else.

A lot of people hate Food Network stars, Paula Deen and Rachael Ray. They are made fun of all the time, but they are also very popular. It's like after their popularity, Food Network thought, hey why don't we find more people that are even more annoying, and to top it off let's make them pretentious and butt-ugly to boot. I have more to say about Food Network, but I have to go. Expect more shortly.

MMM, Banana Bread!

I really like bananas, but ONLY if they are near green. (I actually really like a cold banana - something I tried after Ceaser did it on Gilmore Girls when Luke was away.) Yellow with a hint of green on the top. Maybe a 4.5 to a 5 on the picture above would be perfect. If there is a single spot of brown on them, I can't touch them. Unfortunately, I don't always feel like a banana during the short time frame when my bananas reach my personal perfection. So, I don't buy bananas too often because I'm afraid I'll waste them, but this week I noticed a spot of brown on a banana and decided to wait until they all went brown and make some banana bread. I love to have a piece after a long (or short) run, and a little bite after dinner is the perfect dessert. Banana bread is great because in my experience, it is always moist, and since bananas are so sweet, you don't need to add much sugar. You can also use whole wheat flour, and it doesn't have that whole-wheaty sort of flavor that turns people off. Actually, I think it might be that the taste of the whole wheat might just go well with bananas because I like whole wheat toast with peanut butter and a banana too.

Okay, I know some of you are having some serious EWWWWW moments right now, and I understand the hatred of bananas that many people have. It has a strong flavor and smell and the texture is mushy. But, I'm happy I like bananas because they are awesome. They are full of potassium, vitamin B6, vitamin C, fiber, magnesium. They help your muscles work correctly during exercise so they don't cramp. Good for your blood pressure, reduces your risk of kidney stones and apparently helps you get be in a good mood. They are delicious. They have a sort of satisfying texture that feels like you are eating something fatty, without actually eating something fatty. (Sidenote, apparently if you smash up ripe bananas and freeze them, the texture becomes like ice cream. I have not yet tried this, but definitely will.) The only problem I really have with bananas is that they seem to offend people. I try not to eat bananas around Ryan because he hates the smell, and I think a lot of people agree with him.

I actually meant to write about how Food Network finds the most unlikable people ever to be on their shows OR they turn people that are okay into complete annoying idiots (Alton Brown?). I turned on the tv to Food Network while I was baking today, and it was infuriating because of the hosts and judges. I will save this topic for next time though or else this post will become seriously long.

A Family Alliance

I just made the yummiest pizza bread! I made a white bread dough, rolled it out, built a pizza and rolled it up into a loaf and baked it. It was like a jelly roll except it's a pizza! I got the recipe from my friend Caitlin's blog, and you can find it there too. I don't think I have ever made bread before, but this was pretty easy. Kneading kind of took forever. The whole time I was wishing I had solar hands (or at least solar gauntlets) like Azuma Kazuma from Yakitate!! Japan.  It's a manga about Japan's finest bread bakers and a gifted boy's quest to make a uniquely Japanese bread - "Ja-pan." It was adapted into an anime series, and I highly recommend it. But, I'm going a little too dorky, so I'll get back on track now.

I made the sauce for my pizza bread too - my own simple tomato sauce recipe with a spicy edge. I've never had a taste for sauce from a jar and try to steer clear of it when I can. Actually, I have a pretty good sense of taste/smell, and something about processed foods has always turned me off (besides potato buds). I used to rely on my mom's sauce which she makes in vats during the peak of hamptons tomato season and generously gives her children! It doesn't last very long because I eat it, so I started making my own in small batches as I need it.

So as I mentioned before, this pizza bread recipe is from my friend Caitlin's blog. She got the idea from her mother. Cait and her mom make the yummiest baked goods! I've been a fan basically forever. A fan of the whole family actually. If the world we live in was a game of survivor, our families would be in an alliance. And really, I value Cait's family in many ways much like Survivor contestants value the others in their alliance - you can trust them unconditionally and you just like them better than most of the other players.

There are 3 kids in Cait's family, each one matching up in age with one of the kids in my family. My older siblings were very good friends with Caitlin's older brother and sister, and they were always hanging around our house. Our families have played tennis together forever. Played games and watched movies into the wee hours of the night. Cait's amazing grandmother has accompanied me on piano while I played the oboe and sang (and probably my older sisters too). Cait's older brother Kevin and his family took part in my family's Christmas white elephant. And her older sister, Kirsten even taught me how to get rid of hiccups - a cure that has never failed me and one that I use often. (Drinking big gulps of water from the opposite side of the glass.) And when I was just 9 years old, Kevin assured me that I would have a friend in Caitlin when I matriculated into EHMS.

Caitlin and I didn't go to the same school in 1st-4th grade, so I actually knew her entire family before I met her. I went to a one room schoolhouse, and before matriculating into the much bigger middle school in 5th grade, we spent a few days visiting during 4th grade. I was placed into Cait's class, and I think I spent like every second talking to her. It was like we already knew each other because we both knew all the members of the other's family. Since then, our families have grown up together.  We live all over the place now, but when I see any one of them, it feels like a little bit of home.

My family has had "additions" over the years, and I see many close friends more like family than anything else. Cait's family isn't exactly, but they are truly an allied family. I like to think about it like that because in case the world goes bonkers, I like to know that we have another family on our side. Plus it plays into my weird fantasy that my family takes over the world, which is so so far from what could ever be. AND, it's kind of bad-ass in a mafia sort of way. So cheers to you Cait's family. Ryan and I thank you dearly for this pizza bread! (I didn't know if you all wanted your last name out there all over the place, but I realize now that almost everyone who is reading this already knows that their last name rhymes with shmaringer.)

And for the Shmaringers reading this, and Shmarabines (another family in our alliance), there have been talks about as many of us as possible participating in the Hamptons Marathon/Half Marathon/5K on October 2, including trying to get all our parents to walk the 5K.